I usually post about things that I’ve made, or that interest me, or general stuff about me. I’m not really sure why that is, it just seems that sometimes I would rather hide behind those things than admit that I am human.
But here it is. I think I’m ready to admit I’m not a Vulcan, or a Romulan, or a Klingon. I am something of a Trekker, as well as a HUGE Star Wars geek (in fact, when I walked down the aisle 2 weeks ago, it was to “The Imperial March” aka Darth Vader’s intro music). And in case you’ve not noticed, I am in love with crochet. I like the way the yarn feels in my hands, I love seeing things come to life at the end of my hooks. And there is nothing better than seeing the smile on the face of someone who has received one of my Uglee Little Things.
And there are people out there who think this blog should be all about shameless self-promotion (I could be the Poison of the handmade world I’ve been told.) But I think it should be about more than that. I think it should be about me and my world and my life. In short, I want to use it so you can get to know me. And then you can understand where I am coming from.
So, here goes. Even though it’s not a secret among my family & close friends, I don’t generally broadcast things about my health to the general public. This makes what I am about to tell you a huge thing. I have fibromyalgia.
I know, not a shattering diagnosis. It’s not like it’s going to kill me. Nope, sometimes, I think that would be preferable to the constant pain. No, I’m not suicidal, so don’t get bent out of shape and leave comments about how much I have to offer and how much life I have left. I know all that. Besides, as anyone who knows the real me will tell you, I’m more homicidal than suicidal LOL!
I deal with this thing every single day. I get that I don’t look sick, therefore people outside my close circle don’t know that every morning it’s a miracle I can get out of bed and get downstairs to take care of the fur-kids, work on my budding business and then go to my “real” job. I’ve even had family members question my status. And that hurts.
I’m pretty tough, I can get things done. But this thing has sucked away my energy, I stay exhausted and have had to learn to deal with stabbing, shooting pains all the time, just in different parts of my body. Right now, they are centered in the arches of my feet. You can imagine how fun that is, can’t you?
And still I get up every single day and force myself to get through the day, and take care of the people around me. And I still put up this front of being completely self-reliant. Asking my husband to put commonly used pots and pans on a shelf in the pantry was a huge blow to my ego, but I could no longer climb up to get them out of the cabinet above the stove.
The fibro is one of the biggest reasons I started Uglee Little Things. I’m pretty sure eventually I won’t be able to work much at all, and as long as the pains stay out of my hands, I can crochet. That gives me a certain amount of freedom, knowing I can create these beautiful things to help bring in some extra money. I am something of a boot-strapper, I don’t want to have to go on disability, I don’t want to live off the government, not when I can do something.
So, this is the extent of my whining. I try to not do much of it, I don’t like it. Not only coming from me, but coming at me as well. We all have the freedom to choose, to decide how we are going to react to certain things. Notice, I said above that I have fibromyalgia, it doesn’t have me. I know it’s a thoroughly modern ailment and I wonder what causes it, if there will ever be a cure. But I can’t live in what-if, I have to live in the here-and-now, and that means finding relief for myself somehow, some way. Perhaps this blog will turn into a chronicle of that journey, maybe it will just be a way to let you see the world through my eyes. I don’t know yet. I will continue to post things I’ve made, and the smiles they’ve brought to the faces of others.
In short, I think this blog will turn out to be about Michele and her life, not how her disease has ruined it. I hope you’ll hang around and enjoy it with me.
Maybe you can also answer why I have new growth on my roses, and why they are still blooming while everything else except my camellia is dying off. It’s almost Thanksgiving and I have roses blooming. That makes me laugh . . .
MWAH!
Michele
3 comments:
I have a family member with Fibro so I know exactly the things you are feeling. You can be feeling perfectly fine one minute then out of nowhere feel fatigue and pain come on. The Fibro "fog" doesn't help either. People that have questioned you just really don't understand the daily toll Fibro takes on an individual's mind and body. I applaud you for moving forward and refusing to give in to this illness. You are a positive, ambitious and wonderful example to others who are trying to make sense of their illness/life, and an inspiration to everyone that they too can chase their dreams and be a success! I think I speak for everyone when I say don't hide behind the characters anymore, I love and appreciate the "real Michele" and would like to see "Michele's" personality more! Keep up the great work!! <3
Thank you so very much Sarah. Sometimes, at least for me, all you need to hear is that you're appreciated by the people around you. Your encouragement means so very much to me, I hope you'll continue to share this journey with me!
you are an inspiration to all of us who have diseases and still strive to do our best each day although our best can differ from hour to hour! congrats on your new business and your beautiful designs!
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